I have found these five books to be essential reading for my own life as well as in providing culturally-competent and effective counseling for clients in my private practice. Rowman and Littlefield has been a pioneer in publishing books with accurate and up to date information about consensual non-monogamy, LGBTQ issues, and kink and BDSM relationships. This is especially important as they make these books available to universities and other institutions that are training therapists and psychologists, so that these clinicians will be qualified to work with these specialized populations that are so often misunderstood and cannot find appropriate mental health services. In addition, these books are written so that the lay person can understand and benefit from them. As a result, individuals who are seeking guidance and information about alternative sexualities and non-traditional relationships can easily utilize these books in their own lives.
First, two of the earliest and foremost books on consensually non-monogamous relationships came from a brilliant and courageous woman who is sometimes called the “mother of the polyamory movement,” Deborah Anapol. Her final book before her death a few years ago is Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and intimacy with multiple partners, published by Rowman and Littlefield in 2010. Anapol had previously written what is recognized as the first book explicitly about nonmonogamous relationships, Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits, which she had to self-publish in 1997 because no publishing company wanted to touch a book on what was, at the time, such a transgressive subject. Both books are primers on why some people choose relationships where they and have the freedom to have multiple sexual and/or love relationships, as well as how to conduct such relationships ethically and honestly. Anapol’s books were a beacon of light for many people who were struggling to create and sustain polyamorous relationships, at a time when very little information was available, and most people felt very alone with no support or guidance for their relationships.
Another vital book on the “polyamory bookshelf” is Martha Kauppi’s fantastic book, Polyamory: A Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients), also published by Rowman and Littlefiled in 2020/ This is the first and only training manual for psychologists and psychotherapists who want to provide highly-skilled therapy for polyamorous individuals, couples, and others in nonmonogamous relationship configurations. I have been waiting for over 30 years for someone to write this book! I receive calls nearly every week from confused and anxious therapists who have absolutely no idea how to provide counseling for clients who have come to them for help with their nonmonogamous relationships. I also frequently hear from individuals and couples who have gone to numerous therapists for counseling about their polyamorous relationships and the therapists have done more harm than good, due to lack of training and knowledge about this type of relationship. Thanks to Rowman and Littlefield publishing this book, now therapists can get the education they need to work competently with this rapidly-growing demographic of polyamorous people. And this book is not just for therapists, as it is written in lay person’s language and can be extremely useful to anyone seeking to increase their understanding of polyamorous relationships. There are lots of exercises in the book that can be used as self-help techniques for those who cannot find a poly-competent therapist in their area.
Another ground-breaking Rowman and Littlefield book is Elisabeth Sheff’s The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multi-Partner Relationships and Families, published in 2014. Sheff has been engaged in a nearly 30-year longitudinal study of polyamorous families with children, studying how children fare in these very non-traditional families. Her conclusion? Kids do as well being raised by poly parents as they do in any other type of family; they thrive as long as the parents are providing a safe and nurturing environment for them and giving them adequate love and attention. She has continued to study and interview these families at intervals, which is particularly fascinating now that most of the children in those families are adults, and she is about to publish a new book about her most recent findings. Stay tuned!
Last, but definitely not least, is a brand-new Rowman and Littlefield book by Glen Olson and Terry Lee Brussel-Rogers, fresh off the presses in December 2022: Fifty Years of Polyamory in America: A Guided Tour of a Growing Movement. Both Olson and Brussel-Rogers have been involved in the poly movement for nearly half a century, and have been founding members of some of the pivotal polyamory organizations throughout the decades. They know this history both personally and politically, and know most of the key players and have interviewed them extensively for the book. This is not a dry history book, this is a very fascinating and lively read which chronicles the evolution of polyamorous philosophy and ideas, the organizational development involved in taking this lifestyle from a very discreet experience of a few isolated people and tiny, very private groups, to a large movement that became very public, as well as the support structures developed to educate people about this relationship style.
Rowman and Littlefield has been in the forefront of publishing books about consensual nonmonogamy, and has taken considerable risks to provide this vital information both to clinicians and to the public. It appears that with the popularity of these books, Rowman and Littlefield has fulfilled that old adage of “doing well while doing good.”
Kathy Labriola is a nurse, counselor, and hypnotherapist in Berkeley, CA. She has provided affordable mental health services to alternative communities for the past 30 years. Kathy is author of four books, Love in Abundance and The Jealousy Workbook (both published by Greenery Press), The Polyamory Break-up Book: Causes, Survival, and Prevention (Thorntree Press), and Polyamorous Elders: Aging in Open Relationships (Rowman and Littlefield). She has been a card-carrying bisexual and polyamorist for fifty years. She is extra crunchy, rides a bicycle, lives in a housing cooperative, and raises chickens and organic vegetables. Kathy can be reached at (510)841-5307 or at anarchofeminist@yahoo.com. website: www.kathylabriola.com